When Your Body's Screaming at You . . . Listen to It! (Dumb Ass)

Funny thing is, I always considered myself to be a smart person and a woman who was fully in tune with her own body. But my body had been screaming at me for years, saying YOU NEED MAGNESIUM, YOU DUMB ASS. In my own defense, I thought I had it all covered. Apparently, I didn't know what I didn't know.

Dumb ass!

Me: Don't start.

I'm sorry. I was, ahem, rudely interrupted. That won't happen again.

Anyway . . . my experience with Natural Calm brand of Magnesium Citrate fizzy powder gave me muscle twitches and spasms. So as I wrote in my first post, How To Ruin Your Health in 7 Easy Steps, dated September 23, 2016, about my 2015 descent into the depths of health hell, I had steered clear of any and all magnesium intake other than from food sources. I had given away that Natural Calm to a colleague of mine where I used to work.

My Body: Dumb ass!

Me: Could you please stop calling me that. Thanks.

My Body: Nope, you deserve to called a dumb ass.

Me: Go away.

My Body: Fine! But you'll have to come with me.

Me: I'm trying to tell a story. So stop. I'm going to ignore you.

My Body: (crosses her arms) What else is new?

Me: (eye roll)

My Body: I saw that, you know.

Me: No you didn't.

My Body: I felt our eye muscles. "We" felt it. Happy now?

Me: No. Uncross our arms, keep still and let me type. Jeez.

I'm so sorry. Please ignore her. Now where was I? Oh. Yes. My office colleague.

My colleague, yes, well, she looked at me like I had two heads. "But magnesium's needed for muscle problems, especially a person like you who suffers with Fibromyalgia. Natural Calm will help you sleep. Are you sure you don't want to keep this?"

"Nope," I said flippantly. (as if I was so much smarter than she was) "I'm obviously allergic to magnesium. So take it. It's all yours," I said with a smile as I handed her the mostly full container, then went back to my desk.

My Body: You really were a dumb ass! And I'm the one who suffered for it all these years.

Me: Hey, what's with this me-me-me talk? I thought we were a team.

My Body: We were a team, or so I thought, until you decided to inhale all that cigarette smoke, polluting our lungs for 20 some-odd years. It's no wonder we had no muscle ATP, no energy . . . we had no oxygen! You did that to us, not me.

Me: 30 years, and I know, and I'm sorry. Will you forgive me? I mean, will we forgive me, us? See, now you got me all confused. (Scratches her head)

My Body: I'll let you know in twenty years, if we make it that long. And all that coffee you pour down our throat. I hate that stuff. It's acidic.

Me: I'm a writer. Writers drink coffee. It's what we do.

My Body: Why can't I ever choose what "we" do? It's always you. All that caffeine gives us the jitters.

Me: It's only decaf. There are no jitters. It's all in your head.

My Body: Huh?

Me: Never mind.

My Body: Have you heard the news? Sitting is the new smoking. We need to start walking again.

Me: We will, as soon as our knees allow us a good long walk. We're strengthening the knee muscles and ligaments by exercises the PT gave us and we're riding the recumbent bike every day. That's the best we can do right now. (She squeezes her knee)

My Body: Ouch! Don't touch us! That hurt, you dumb ass!

Me: Ooh, sorry. I didn't mean to squeeze that hard. And stop calling me dumb ass!

My Body: When are these knees gonna stop hurting?

Me: I wish I knew.

My Body: Aren't you supposed to be the brains of this outfit? We're depending on you to be strong-minded, to get us through this health crap all the way to the other side.

Me: (rolls her eyes) Yes, I know you are . . . I mean, I know we are. I'm working on it, promise. These things take time. Besides, it's only been 9 months since discovering Magnesium.

My Body: You're not working hard enough. I want us to be 100% healthy, not just 75% better.

Me: Don't worry, we'll be 100% again. (I have a bad feeling we'll need those knee replacements) And I can't tell her that. She'll freak.

My Body: Can't tell me what?

Me: Uh, it was nothing. Forget it. But anyway, we've come a long way from where we were in November 2015. We couldn't even walk or stand up in the shower, if you remember, or even eat food without taking Benedryl. Like I said, It's only been 9 months, yet look how we've improved.

My Body: I suppose. Just hope all that Calcium and Hormone D you made us swallow hasn't permanently damaged our bones, joints and soft tissues. Well, I guess we shouldn't talk about that major fail of yours. Anyway . . . we are healthier than we were, I suppose.

Me: What is suppose supposed to mean? (You talk out of our butt, you know that) Come on, we've come so far since we crashed and burned. Our inflammation is way down, our leg muscles feel normal most of the time, and those thousands of tiny muscle knots underneath the skin have disappeared, and we can eat most everything and anything now.

My Body: Yes, but you're not consistent. Don't think our eyes are closed when you forget important Mag Protocol regimens. Don't think our eyes don't see when you forget to make us an Adrenal Cocktail or two. We're only drinking that maybe once a day, if we're lucky, not twice like we're supposed to do.

Me: I'm doing the best I can. (God, we are always in the damn kitchen!) I make sure we take our Cod Liver Oil, and all our doses of Magnesium Glycinate, and the co-factors that make magnesium work correctly like the bee pollen, and taurine, and borax water. Don't forget about the Epsom Salts/Borax/Baking Soda soaks. We always do our foot soaks.

My Body: Sure do love them foot soaks.

Me: Anderson Mineral Drops. I never forget that. Every day I remember to put some drops in our Poland Springs water. Makes the water taste great, doesn't it?

My Body: Yup, we love our mineral water. And we love the fluoride-free toothpaste and MoM under our armpits. When's that consult with Morley Robbins, the Health Coach?

Me: Not until November 2nd.

My Body: Don't speak to him without me. I wanna be there, too.

Me: (Shaking her head slowly, trying not to laugh) . . . (Silence) . . . Ooh, I even make sure we're using the Diatomaceous Earth every day. We like the way that silica makes us feel, don't we?

My Body: Yes, we do love our D.E. now that you got the correct starting dose. You made us take too much at first. It felt like we have Lyme Disease or something. Talk about a Herxheimer reaction! Yikes! Maybe the doctors missed that diagnosis.

Me: Lets hope not, shall we?

My Body: Well, our system seems to be very toxic, thanks to you.

Me: Do I do anything right? I never got any credit for getting rid of our toxic fake acrylic nails.

My Body: Well it's about time. When our natural nails' half-moons return, maybe then I'll say thank you.

Me: Oh brother, here we go again. It's always my fault.

My Body: I'm sorry. I've been ragging on you a lot. You're doing a great job, really, you are. And the Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar with the Mother . . . Yum, we love that, too! (hugs herself) Ouch!

Me: What hurts this time? No. Don't tell me. Just deal with it.

My Body: Our biceps . . . Fibro trigger points. They don't seem to go away.

Me: You want me to spray some Mag-A-Hol on our arms?

My Body: Yes, please, and hurry! That Mag-A-Hol is much better than store-bought Magnesium Oil. We love that stuff the most, don't we!

Me: We sure do. It's da bomb!

My Body: And when are you switching to that JigSaw Magnesium brand, the one w/SRT? It's better for us Fibromyalgia sufferers.

Me: Soon. We first need to finish what we have before I spend more money.

My Body: Well hurry, we're not getting any younger. We should be taking Magnesium Malate so we can get off that God awful Lyrica once and for all. I hate when you make us swallow poisonous pharmaceuticals, or are you still not convinced we have Fibromyalgia? (crosses her arms again)

Me: No, I'm sure we have it. That's why we take Lyrica. (Smack!) Hey, what was that for? Why'd we smack ourself upside my head? That hurt!

My Body: Because you're a dumb ass, that's why.

Me: If you ever call us, me, a dumb ass again . . . we're gonna eat an entire non-gluten-free chocolate cake in one sitting.

My Body: You wouldn't dare!

Me: I'm craving sweets.

My Body: Sugar makes our muscles hurt. And it gives you brain fog. Remember the last time?

Me: I know. But just one piece. Whattya say?

My Body: I say, you're a dumb ass.

POSTSCRIPT: But seriously, folks . . .

Magnesium deficiency comes in many ways with different health manifestations and consequences for different people. Not everyone is the same, not everyone has Fibromyalgia. But I guarantee that most people are deficient in magnesium and have other key mineral imbalances that manifest in one form or another. Read this informative article

And to learn how to restore good health, join the Magnesium Advocacy Group on Facebook.